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Getting divorced

bluebird June 24, 2019 20:08

Hi all,

Just wondering if any adopters have gone through a divorce and how this has affected the children.

My husband and l are struggling and sadly we are not seeing a way forward for us.

Grateful if anyone could share a similar experience.

Thank you!!

Safia June 26, 2019 09:11

I don’t know how this works but if you can access the archive of the old AUK site there was a very good recent thread on this - I think there were older ones too - it is something that has affected a lot of people unfortunately for various reasons but I have no personal experience. I hope someone responds who has or that you manage to access the archive

Jingle bells June 26, 2019 09:14

You don't say how old the children are, hopefully you can both sit down and explain The situation.in an age appropriate way.

reassure the children that it is not their fault,

its potentially another loss in their life, and that could reignite a whole lot of emotions.

if you manage the situation well, the children won't see it as rejection

but the positives are

living in a happier household as they will have picked up on the vibes

not having 2 adults to play off against each other

hopefully, in the long term, everyone will be happier and that will have a positive impact on everyone's lives

onlineteamAUK June 26, 2019 12:12

Good afternoon Bluebird,

Please contact our Helpline team and one of our skilled advisors will be happy to discuss your situation and answer your questions in more detail.

You can email them on AUKhelpine@pac-uk.org or call them on 07904 793 974 and 07539 733079 available Monday to Thursday 10.00am - 2.30pm and Friday 10.00am - 12.30pm (excluding bank holidays)

You can access the archive forum here: https://www.linkmaker.co.uk/forums/community/38?archived=1

Best Wishes
Online Community Team Adoption UK

bluebird June 27, 2019 20:36

Thank you very much Mojo & Safia. Our boy is only 5 - it breaks my heart to think he is going to have another loss in his life :-(

I'll contact the Adoption Uk team for some support.

Scott C-R June 28, 2019 14:50

Hi bluebird

Sorry to hear this, and if we can do anything to help, on top of the info other contributors and the online team have already given you then please do not hesitate to contact us,

Scott

Deb February 1, 2020 07:50

It was incredibly hard for us all my children had only been with us for two short years before their world was ripped apart yet again. This was 12 years ago now and we've had many tears along the way,I'll never forget my youngest at 6 sobbing her heart out on my knee saying she doesn't want daddy to leave.

He gave them 2 short years of knowing how a family unit should be before he took that away from them,my heart couldn't forgive so that was that. It hasn't been easy for any of us and he went on to remarry and have his own birth child,but if possible you need to try and stay on friendly terms with each other even if it's just for show and that will help your children enormously.

peartree February 5, 2020 01:36

I have been divorced and it was a really horrible ex but it was still painful and distressing for me and my family. In my experience it seems like the adopted child will be upset but it is (to them) a small hiccough in their trauma timeline.

Please take great care of you. Adoption placing agencies may even fund some counselling for you.

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