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Run away

Thatssewmoo June 10, 2019 09:26

So this has been a pretty shocking weekend. 12 yo AS ran away on Saturday after jumping from his first floor bedroom window and was gone for 7 hours before the police captured him and brought him home. Now I'm really worried it's just a matter of time before he runs again.

The police have made a referral to Social Services so we're hoping to get some long overdue support, but in the meantime it feels like we're keeping him prisoner. Weirdly, yesterday he was an absolute joy to be around, offering to do the drying while I was washing up etc. Surely if things were bad enough to prompt a running on Saturday, this change to being so polite and laughing and joking on Sunday is bizzare?! We haven't told him off or anything, we've just tried to tend to his wounds, talk it through and carry on like normal.

We've got a small portion of the truth of the why and what happened, and don't think we'll get much more.

Does anyone have any experience of runaways? It feels like a big escalation and a serious move that can't be ignored, and a point that we can't go back from now SS are to be involved again.

Kazzie June 10, 2019 19:12

Sorry you've had no responses yet.

We do. In fact she's missing as I write. Unfortunately I don't have any answers just to keep calling the police and offering nurture when they come home. DD will only come home with the police or local mental health welfare services unless she's been taken to A+E when she will come home with us. We have no triggers for when she wanders off - certainly not today. My DD puts herself in serious risky situations so she currently has a child protection plan in place.

There's a really great article about running off on the Potato website. It has some fantastic suggestions.

peartree June 11, 2019 00:47

Hi, www.thePOTATOgroup.org.uk

As KAZZIE says- theres an article on their website called

Leggit and Scarper

its very helpful. I know how distressing this is. Try and find out who the police MISPER is. They may be a helpful person as and when this situation comes again.

There are many, many families who have young adoptees who have less than ideal starts that engage in this behaviour. Once I managed to read some information that revealed my children’s birth mother also did a lot of this.

Hoping things are more settled and that KAZZIE your dd is home safe soon.

Thatssewmoo June 11, 2019 16:49

Kazzie I hope you have a safe return soon, and thank you for your comments kazzie and peartree. I checked the Potato article and found it ring a LOT of bells!

It's interesting that there are no triggers in your family Kazzie, as we still can't work out why he ran on Saturday. It was a fairly normal day, he's certainly had much much worse on many occasions so it seemed out of the blue. We've had to put window locks on to restrict the opening and I feel like I pay the mortgage on a prison at times. We've been really calm, mainly in the absence of any other plan or ideas, so good to hear that's the right approach.

I'm hoping it was a one off but am fairly certain that it was just the first time. He gets really upset at the involvement of SS but that's going to be a reality very soon.

It feels like we're at the top of a rollercoaster expecting the downward fall at any moment, but not sure when it will come or what it will mean for our family.

windfalls June 11, 2019 20:29

Hi thatsewmoo,

My ad is also 12 years old and has done this a number of times over the years , although she does not tend to go far, either just runs off down the road or hides in next doors garden. My ad has ADHD and it normally only happens in the evening when her meds are wearing off and the impulsiveness of her adhd takes over. I too kept her bedroom windows locked (although she never actually climbed out of them but did threaten on a number of occasions to do it). we have recently started on another adhd med called intuniv which works over a 24 hour period - just hoping that this lessens the impulsiveness. No words of wisdom i am afraid, just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

best wishes xx

Bop June 12, 2019 15:12

Sadly running away is quite common amongst teenage adoptees....two of mine have done it in various forms - one took 6 months to come back!

I highly recommend Potato - although he is only 12, you would be able to join and get great support if you choose. Lots of adopters of teens and twenties - and between us we have experienced most things....

Good luck and do remember its really important to take care of yourselves too.

Kazzie June 13, 2019 22:23

Little update. DD was returned home safely the same evening by the police. We have a plan in place which is activated when we ring 101. She did end up in A+E but this is pretty normal for us due to her mental health issues. They 'helpfully' gave her a leaflet about self harm because the mental health team were too busy to see her.

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