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Advice on ''coming out'' to adopted child?

loopylouz January 22, 2013 13:53

Hi<BR>Feels a bit weird asking this but has anyone got any advice on coming out to your adopted child?<BR>Am a single gay woman and had LO come to live with me 3 months ago. Haven''t actually told her I''m gay and am wondering what other people''s thoughts/experiences are around this? Not even sure if she was told this by her social workers/Fcs etc...she''s 5yrs old.<BR>Any advice appreciated<BR>Thanks<BR>L<BR><img src=''''>

Doodle123 January 22, 2013 18:02

Hi! <BR><BR>As a teacher of 5 yr olds, I am sure she will be very accepting and understanding. I would honestly not make a huge issue out of it, just start by reading a few stories. <BR>Have you heard of 'Tango Makes Three'? It's a wonderful book about two male penguins who adopt a baby penguin. This will be a brilliant opening to a discussion. <BR><BR>She will be fine, don't worry. If you are nonchalant, then she will be too! <img src=''> <BR><BR>Good luck! I can't wait to be in your situation!<BR>

Shortbread January 22, 2013 21:23

Congratulations on your little one. I've no personal experience as I'm gay.<BR><BR>But whilst you are waiting on more good responses I'll share what I did with my then nearly 6yr old. We have very significant family members who are gay, two of whom are in a civil partnership. They are very important in DS's life, and he spends as much time as we are able to with them. My son had no experience or awareness of diversity. I bought the Picnic in the Park book from BAAF, it shows many different kinds of family, these include same sex, lone parent, foster carers, adoptive parents. The book was great as I was able to link it to me being single, and then to our relatives. I encouraged additional discussion about everyone being different and equal. DS was quite astounded when he heard two people of the same sex could be married/civil partnership. He was then very accepting. I also pointed out couples on t.v.<BR><BR>He is now 8.5yrs old and I've been having similar conversations again as I know he is probably of an age where he may be hearing things at school, and I want to make sure he is hearing positive things.<BR><BR>Sorry for jumping onto your board, hope no-one minds<img src=''>

Shortbread January 22, 2013 21:24

That was meant to say that I'm not gay, hence the no direct experience part.

loopylouz January 23, 2013 14:17

Thanks Doodle and Shortbread for your advice. Will check out both books you mentioned.<BR>Cheers<BR>L

jmk January 25, 2013 13:55

Loopy if you look at the Resources Board at the bottom of the page there is a thread on there called recommended books to read and there are some very good books on there for young children explaining different types of families which you might find useful.<BR>HTH

greyspeckledhen February 5, 2013 23:45

I have no direct experience but I wanted to share my 6 year old's shock this morning when he heard on the radio that gay marriage is currently illegal. I'd told him previously that it was completely ok to marry someone of the same sex (meaning that civil partnership is allowed), so he was really cross to hear that it wasn't actually allowed. <BR>I reassured him that it would be allowed very soon - here's hoping!<BR>As long as you explain it in a way that she can grasp, I'm sure that she'll be completely accepting.

cuppatea March 9, 2013 06:47

Try some books with gay and lesbian parents (there are a few). Also social groups like New Family Social. Told son I was gay when he was 7 or 8. Didn't like the idea at first but when he realised he knew some other gay people with children he was ok with it and still is. The upset was more about finding out he wasn't going to get a live-in mum rather that negativity about me being gay.<BR><BR>Good luck.


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