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Should I tell our mother? Advise needed.

Marina September 20, 2021 15:53

I have recently discovered my older half brother who was adopted has sadly passed away. I made contact with him 20 yrs ago briefly, and because of his wishes at the time we lost contact. I have always kept a look out for him on social media, and over the past 6 months debated about getting in touch with him. I decided to look for him, only to discover the very sad news. I'm currently at a loss and heart broken that I never listened to my gut feelings of making contact again, and on top of this, how do I break the news to my mum/his birth mum?

Safia September 22, 2021 12:27

I guess the nearest thing I have to compare it with is when my children’s birth mother died. We told them the day we found out - didn’t want the thought that it could become a secret - and I knew it meant a lot to my daughter who hoped she would meet her some time in the future so I felt it was important she should know. When my grandmother died when I was a child I wasn’t told until I asked if she ate well (she had been ill) and I was really upset that it’d been kept from me and I felt “deceived.” I suppose a lot depends on whether you feel your Mum would want to know - how she’s spoken about your brother over the years - how she reacted when you were in touch before? My personal view is if it was me I would want to know - and to be able to grieve it and mark it in some way. Try and get as much information as you can and then maybe you can work out what you’d like to do together

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