In the summer, we were turned down by an agency that we used because of the negative referees we got from my wife's former partner and step son. Although they have not stated that this is who the referee's were from, it does not take a magician to guess.
The way we have been handled by the agency was simply appalling. We had just completed all of our worksheets when they contacted my wife and requested a meeting where it was explained that this was a meeting just for her to discuss a few things in relation to the references received.
I was told by the Social Worker that I was not required in this meeting. Reluctantly, I did not attend.
The first thing that the Social Worker's manager said to my wife in the meeting was 'to discuss why they were not moving us to stage 1'. Ours was a joint adoption, not a singular one so I should have been informed that we were being rejected to. My wife to be told that straight away with no defence was shocked, heartbroken and it is ridiculous as to why I was not called into that meeting as well.
It took me 6 weeks, to finally get a meeting with them to discuss as to why I wasn't involved in it and try to get some answers as to why they came to that decision. I didn't get any relative answers to be honest and it has left us heartbroken. I eventually got an apology that it could have been handled better. Do these Social Workers not realise that the decisions they come to effect people's lives???
We have no idea what has been written in these references, the agency won't tell us due to confidentiality but my wife hasn't been involved with her ex for over 7 - 8 years.
We believe that this has completely destroyed our chances of being adoptive parents and it is so upsetting especially as we do not know what has been written. How can we defend ourselves when we don't know what we are defending?
I don't know what we will do now to be honest as we know that if we contacted other agencies, they will contact our original agency and be provided with the information that they received.
I hope that no one will go through the experiences that we did as we believe that our chances have now gone.