My partner and I are looking to adopt but have been told by one agency they will not consider us as my step daughter (7 years old) lives with us 50% of the time and this would be unsettling for an adopted child and would cause issues for the birth child feeling displaced. I completely understand the complexities of children that need to be adopted but I am frustrated that they did not take anything else into consideration. Does anyone on here have any experience of adopting with a birth/stepchild in the family?With them crying out for adopters especially from BME backgrounds it seems ludicrous to me they have dismissed us so easily. At first they even suggested that my step daughter wouldn’t be allowed to stay with us for a month if we were successful at adoption once a child would be placed with us. It was us that said this would not be fair and more likely to cause resentment for our birth/step child. It just doesn’t feel fair that we are essentially being penalised for being child centred and my partner wanting to be involved in his child’s life. All you read about is all types of people and families can adopt but it doesn’t feel like that. Apologies as you can see feeling disappointed and frustrated😔
Prospective adopters with birth child from previous marriage
Hi
plenty of people with birth children adopt. Introductions do need to be carefully managed but its not really that unusual.
the adoption landscape is particularly tricky at the moment, many agencies have more adopters than children waiting, sometimes they will say things to put you off. It may be that they don’t have any BME children waiting.
I would just forget them and look at other agencies. Good luck
Hi. My partner has a child from a previous relationship who stays with us every other weekend and half of the school holidays. This has not stopped us from being approved. We had a discussion with our social worker about how we would support my partners child with the adoption of another child and she was happy with this. She recommended us for one child only, rather than siblings, as she felt that my partners child would find this easier to adapt to. It certainly shouldn't stop you. As Serrakunda27 has said, maybe approach other agencies to explore this further. Good luck!
Yes, talk to another agency. They differ hugely.
There's a huge amount to consider, not least the impact on your stepdaughter, but as she's 7, it's realistic that by the time you're approved there could be a sufficient age gap with a younger child.
ps. Serrakunda - out of interest, what do you think is driving this landscape. Is it a court backlog because of the pandemic?
Lilythepink - multiple factors, an underfunded, stressed system of social care pushed to the limits, I'm guessing higher levels of SW absence either through illness or isolating, inability to fill vacancies because of lockdown, must have been some impact on newly qualified SWs and them being able to take on a caseload, children in difficulty being missed because they weren't at school,being seen by health visitors etc, courts being closed, LAs overwhelmed
perfect storm really
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