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Adoption and fertility

Nando88 May 5, 2021 16:41

Hello, my husband and I are in the very early stages of starting to explore the adoption process. We were trying to conceive for 8 years with one failed round of IVF and have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We've both fully accepted that it's unlikely we'll ever conceive and haven't been actively trying to get pregnant for over a year. We have agreed that the most important thing to us is to be parents regardless of whether or not the child is biologically ours. The only thing that is really bothering me is that going forward we don't want to use contraception, there's a huge list of reasons that I won't go into but getting pregnant is actually low on the list. As we don't actually have a confirmed reason for not being able to conceive there is still obviously a slim chance it could happen at some point in the future and while we'd be thrilled we're both 100% certain it wouldn't change how we felt about any child we had potentially adopted, they wouldn't be treated differently etc. Would this be something that would hold us back in the process? I'm aware that questions regarding fertility and not having biological children etc are asked during the application so I'm worried this would be held against us. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Bluemetro May 5, 2021 17:25

You are correct that you would be asked about getting pregnant during the application process. Social Workers would need to know that you were not going to have your own child to coincide with the adoption.

I understand that you would not want to treat the children any differently, but they will be looking at the fact that an adopted child who has been removed from his/her birth home will have a lot of needs that a birth child would not have. If you were to have a baby they would have a great deal of needs yet an adopted child even if older would have many needs and need your undivided attention to help them manage their new situation. That is before you consider that all adopted children apart from the trauma of being separated from their birth mother, even if at birth, will likely have other needs or conditions which require extra help/ appointments etc.

Dojo May 7, 2021 15:34

Hello, I can't remember exactly the wording or time frame attached to it but I'm sure we signed and agreed to use contraception so as to not fall pregnant during the process and potentially for a period after as we chose to adopt not owing to any fertility issues.

chestnuttree May 7, 2021 20:57

We also had to agree to use contraception. Agencies would not place a child with you while you are pregnant, so they are trying to make sure that doesn't happen. From their point of view you are an investment. A newly placed adoptive child will need all your energy, attention and love. There is really no room for anything else.

Serrakunda27 May 8, 2021 12:10

I’m single and still had to discuss it..............

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