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LGBT - Adopting mixed sex sibling pairs

LS January 29, 2021 13:51

Hi All,

I hope you are well! We are a male couple and we are looking to adopt a boy and a girl with not much luck at the moment.

Has anybody else experienced issues trying to adopt a mixed sibling pair as two males or females?

We understand in some cases there is going to be a need for a female parent but we cant help that feel we are getting rejected often as a same sex couples are preferred for mixed sex sibling pairs.

Any positive stories are very welcome!!

Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda27 January 29, 2021 14:33

I'm a single female who adopted a boy, I know lots of women who have adopted boys. I don't see it would be any different to your situation .

There are many reasons why you wouldn't be seen as a good match for a particular child, SWs minds work in mysterious ways.

It's horrible going through this but when the right children turn up it will all be in the past.

Edited 17/02/2021
Simon January 29, 2021 14:43

Hi "LS"

We are two dads (dad & daddy). We have two siblings, a girl and a boy. They were seven and six, when they first came to live with us. They are now 13 and 14. We are very much the gay adoptive family in the American TV series; "Modern Family". In fact my adopted daughter calls me Cam!!!

We have met many gay dads with adopted daughters over the years through peer to peer adoptive family support groups. I honestly cannot think of any negative stories to share with you; the opposite, very positive. (I.e. gay dads that have adopted baby girls, through to dads like us who adopted older).

As always, every child is different. It's important to find the right family for every individual child. I am sure your time will come.

Our next Adoption UK LGBTQ+ members support group hosted by the lovely Matthew and Emma is in a couple of weeks at 8pm on Wednesday, 10th February 2021. Do come along and join us. I would be very happy to share our family experiences. More details here: https://www.adoptionuk.org/virtual-community-groups-and-webinars-for-members

Take care

Simon x

Edited 17/02/2021
windfalls January 29, 2021 14:46

Hi ls,

Social workers will always put the needs of the child first and that is the way it really should be I am afraid.

As a woman I can tell you that as a teenager I would have found it incredibly difficult to talk to my dad about things like periods, my changing body during puberty, needing to be taken for bra fittings etc. Also my daughter has ASD and even though she is nearly 14 she still requires help with bathing, especially washing her hair. Perhaps social workers are concerned about practical matters such as these and so you may need to make extra effort in showing how you can meet these needs.

Edited 17/02/2021
Simon January 29, 2021 14:54

As both a gay man and gay adoptive dad; I would absolutely 100 percent support what @Windfalls has said in the previous post. "Social workers do and must put the needs of the child first". The longer I go down our adoption journey, the more I realise how important this is. (Something perhaps, I didn't quite get when I was in the early stages of adoption). That being said, I hope and believe we have a good and strong relationship with our teenage daughter. As dads we will never be able to replace our daughters birth mum and yes periods and bra fittings can be tricky, but we manage and get through.

Much love

Simon x

Edited 17/02/2021
Knithappens January 29, 2021 20:42

Hello,

Just wanted to say hang in there. I was raised by my Dad alone from the age of 9, he was by far the better ‘mum’. He was my best friend and dealt with everything that came along and always put me first. As long as you are prepared to deal with the biological differences especially in teenage years with lots of hormones you’ll be fine. Good luck

Edited 17/02/2021
Sally February 1, 2021 16:25

Hang in there, you are not alone! We're struggling too! We were approved 7 months ago and have applied without luck. Me and the hub are looking for up to 2 boys, there's alot of families are searching at the moment.. We "applied" for one profile and were met with a no as 16 families had shown interest.

Covid and lockdowns are also impacting things too. The courts have not been processing like they did before covid so it seems there's alot of families looking at fewer kiddies as alot are stuck in limbo awaiting completion. Be patient, its hard to be as I know very well but you will get your forever family. I wish you well in your search.

Edited 17/02/2021

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