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I remember you very well! The last I remember hearing Mackerel’s age he was 12! Did you have letterbox contact? With us when this finished we had a form to fill in with various options going ahead. We opted (after discussion) to only be contacted directly in event of death or serious illness - so that left it up to the kids to decide whether they wanted contact (which they don’t) and then up to them to initiate it. My understanding though is that without an agreement either party can make contact after the YP is 18 - so the opposite - though I have a vague feeling the law may have been changed at some point - though which way I’m not sure. Sorry not much help really - try letterbox if you ever had any

Thanks, Safia. Yeah, a LOT has happened in the intervening few years. :-)

We did have letterbox contact, although it became very sporadic on both sides. Certainly not had any discussions about contact since he's turned 18 (as has Fairy Basslet). We have rung post adoption support and asked for the letterbox co-ordinator to contact us.

How are you and yours doing?

Not doing too badly - mine are 24 and 23 now! AS is coaching his favourite sport - not a job as such but earning and busy in a positive way - AD has a tutor at home through her EHCP for several hours a week as she couldn’t go to college and wasn’t leaving the house - she’s been having therapy but they are waiting for decision re funding to continue this and she has a support worker once a week - and is doing some life story work - she’s in a much better place now

Sounds very positive! Great to hear.

What about yours?

Bleh! Mackerel had to go back into care aged 13. Currently unemployed with (at least) one child and another on the way. FB currently homeless but working. Sprat not in employment, education or training. So pretty messy.

no real advice to offer but just wanted to say a big Helloo !

Mackerel certainly has been busy ! Does he take any responsibilty for looking after the baby ?

I hope you are keeping well in the midst of everything

Hi, Serrakunda! Good to hear from you.

Yes, he's living with the mum - they have a house - and he's actually doing really well as a dad (considering his history). As you'd probably expect, social services are keeping an eye on them and they have the occasional issues with things like running out of money, but generally we're really proud of him.

How are you?

thats great - could be the making of him

We are Ok, Simba is 16 next month, has done very well at school and was a student leader. been a bit up and down with cancellelion of GCSEs and his post exam summer plans, he has a place at college. He is better now he can go out with friends and the footie is back

His younger brother is in residential care and I have been battling with the LA for the best part of two years to foster him. Its a sorry saga.

? Must be really tough for many of those youngstres who haven't been able to do their exams - although for some I'd guess they'd feel like it's a reprieve from their worst nightmare.

I can imagine the saga of your battle with the LA. Sometimes you do wonder how they come to the decisions that they make - or WHY DON'T THEY GET ON AND MAKE ONE? ?

Actually sounds as if Mackerel is doing well in many ways - and FB working is great! Sprat is quite young I presume so plenty of time to find his feet! I’m quite accepting of things as they are and seeing the positives - it’s a long haul! Doesn't time fly? Regarding being out of school and no exams - it would’ve been a blessing for my son

Simba is doing brilliantly Serrakunda

Hello Corkwing,

Welcome back to the forum! I hope you don't mind, but I asked one of our directors for advice on your post as I knew she would have knowledge of best practise and the legal elements of contact. I am sending you a private message with her response.

Very best wishes,

Charlotte

Thanks, Charlotte. Can't see how to access private messages...

Hi Corkwing,

Sorry - Monday morning brain fade...wrote the message and didn't hit send (*shakes head in disbelief!!*) It should have come up in your chat and you should have received a notification that I have sent you a private message.

Best wishes,

Charlotte

I did an Internet search for "adoption contact register" and got onto the gov.uk site. On there, I found this page: https://www.gov.uk/adoption-records/intermediary-agencies. Seems to state quite clearly that a birth relative can approach an "approved intermediary agency" who then make contact with the adopted person, asking if they're willing to allow contact. The adopted person can say no, but there seem to be no safeguards, such as whether the adopted person is vulnerable, able to make a considered decision about whether they want contact at the time, whether they've thought through the implications for them, their family and, indeed the birth family. No assessment of whether the adopted person finds it difficult to say "No" to anyone (one of mine falls into the category) or anything else. The only stipulation appears to be that the birth relative has to pay a fee (if the agency decide to charge one). It's really scary!